Jumping…
Today I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. Twice. And I’m gonna do it again, and again, and again… The funny thing is, I showed up that day to fly the planes, not jump out of them.
I’ve flown jump planes now for almost a year. It’s the most challenging flying I’ve done so far and it’s a flippin’ BLAST! Little Cessna 182’s that hold one pilot; all the rest of the seats have been removed and replaced with floor seatbelts (Google it if you don’t know what kind of plane I’m referring to). The right-side of the plane has been modified to allow a top-to-bottom clear plexi-glass (or maybe Lexan) door that swings upward and locks into place. The pilot wears a chute too…just in case ;) The first few times I flew jumpers and that door opened up…I could feel my pulse quickening and started sweating. All of a sudden this cacophony of wind noise and cold air (at 11,000 feet) enters the cabin and people (four of them, to be exact) are holding onto the strut of this tiny little airplane and the instruments are (mostly) un-readable…good times! 4000 flight hours, almost eight years of flying for the airlines, flying in some of the shittiest weather you wouldn’t think twice about DRIVING through, and flying jumpers is what it takes to get my heart pounding!
Anyway, so why did I jump? Because it’s scary. That’s the point! It’s like getting a tattoo…pain is part of the experience. (I have eight of them, btw…and still counting). You have your choice when you make up your mind to defy gravity: Tandem or IAD/Static-Line. Tandem means you get a free-fall for around 20ish seconds, but you don’t do anything; you’re strapped to a qualified jumper and he/she does all the work (you just have to shit your pants for 20ish seconds ;). I chose the IAD (Instructor Assisted Deployment) jump because it forces you to “man-up” (I apologize for the sexist remark, but you get the idea), crawl out of the plane yourself, hang from the plane and…let go. Talk about a RUSH!
My first IAD jump was last November…all I remember is shitting my pants, feeling like I was tumbling through the air asses over elbows…and the chute opening. Then, I remember breathing faster than I thought was humanly possible (at the time), seeing a good/clean canopy (Shape and Control) and thinking to myself: “Okay. I’m alive so far!” The risks are (mostly) perceived, but very real…and shit can (and sometimes does) happen. I’ve been rock climbing, SCUBA diving, the aforementioned flying escapades, gone to battle stations (for REAL) when two Yugoslavian fighter jets lit up my ship with a radar missile lock, etc….but, I’m here to tell ya’: That first jump was…the coolest thing I’ve ever done with my life thus far.
So, today I show up to fly…someone asked if I wanted to jump (thanks, Don!) and I said “Hell, yes!” As the plane takes off from the grass runway, I’m all pilot: Looking at the engine gauges, waiting for the engine to quit, what am I gonna do if the engine dies below a safe altitude…the normal stuff. Once we’re over a thousand feet above the ground, it hits me…and my gum-chewing starts getting faster. Palms never started to sweat, but all I can think of is the WIND. It’s flippin’ WINDY when you crawl out of a plane! 90mph = hurricane force, people. So, in reality, I’m gonna intentionally crawl out of a tiny plane into hurricane force winds…shimmy along the strut and put my life into the hands of the unknown person that packed the chute strapped to my back. The first body part out of the plane is your left foot…and holy crap is that wind STRONG! But once you get your hands on the strut (and have a pretty good death-grip going, btw) it’s okay…except it’s hard to breath into a head-on 90mph wind!
And I’m here to write to y’all: This is soooo cool! The chute opens and you just get a feeling like a building could fall on you and…you’d be like the Incredible Hulk and walk out from the rubble with your arms raised above your head saying “fuck, yeah!”. I got on the ground and got talked into (kidding) going again. I had about enough time to catch my breath, take a piss and go back up. I didn’t complete one of the tasks I was supposed to do but it was still a jump…and it was AWESOME! I’ve found a new addiction, and couldn’t be happier about it!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Why I Left the Airlines…
If you could have ANY job in the world…ANY JOB…what would it be? I'm giving you an open slate…education and money are not an issue. You can be ANYTHING you want to be…a pornstar, tennis pro, astronaut, bass fisherman…ANYTHING. How many of you can answer that question today, as an adult? My guess is about one out of five…and that comes from over ten years of asking that question to a lot of people, both men and women (It's a GREAT conversation starter, btw)…maybe I was lucky, but I always knew what I wanted to do…
The oldest artwork my parents have of mine is a fingerpainting that I did of a tree, with a plane parked next to it. I was two. I know this, because my mother wrote a date in the margin of the picture. My love of flying came from my father. He was an electronics guru, too…so I guess I owe my love of electronics to my father as well. My father used to be one of those people that parked his car at the approach end of a runway to watch the planes land and take off…he would take me with him sometimes. The noise, the drama, the emotions I felt were…well…nothing short of fucking amazing. I was mesmerized as a kid…to be able to fly…to bring something so HUGE, that flew in the air and be able to land it safely was, in my young mind…well, nothing short of a miracle. My mind was innocent. I had no illusions of giant paychecks or sex with stewardesses…I just wanted to be able to do THAT! Fly a plane. If you need further proof…I took an employment test in the fifth grade…and another in the eighth grade; the only answer this test told the world that I should be was AIRLINE PILOT.
So why did I give that up?? Anyone that hears my story has the same dumbfounded look on their face….WTF?!?! “You gave THAT up?!?” Yes. I did. If you wanna know why, read further…
One of the most influential books that I have ever read is a book by Laurence Gonzales called DEEP SURVIVAL, it's a book about why some people live in the worst of conditions where most others would perish. One of the key messages in the book is:
Learn to live in the reality you are faced with, if you try to make reality bend to what you think it should be…you will die.
Well, I spent the last few years of my eight-year-long airline career trying to make reality bend to what I wanted it to be. I finally had enough. Before I made up my mind, I made a list…you know “pros & cons”…just to be SURE. But, we all know, if you get to the point of making a list like that…you already know. You just need to convince yourself you’re not totally off your rocker…
Here’s the list I came up with in a hotel room in Islip, NY (Verbatim) after three Jack and Diets:
CONS:
1) Commuting to work
2) GED equivalent schedulers that have NO idea…
3) Management that gives (less than) two shits about me
4) Pay is less than McDonalds (people have NO idea…)
5) 14 hour days at work, paid for less than HALF of that
6) Not very conducive to a social life
7) Conference call with Chief Pilot if you call in sick
8) Threatened with firing if you call in fatigued (WTF?!) (Incredulous)
9) Doesn’t help me get laid
10) The CRJ sucks (and “real” planes are like the DoDo)
11) Lifestyle is DRAINING (mentally, physically and matrimonially)
12) Too many dipshit republicans do this job
13) Travelling public is retarded, and un-informed
14) It seems that NOBODY (majors or regionals) are happy!!
PROS:
1) Instant street credit if someone asks what I do for a living
2) I can travel to anywhere for free if a seat is open.
I’m not going to bore you and explain each bullet point…but I will direct your attention to the CONS list numbers 4, 5 and 8. These should scare you. Any friends that know the industry are probably nodding their heads as they read this list.
Some of you will just think to yourself: “Every job has it’s bad points”. And my response to you is: Spoken like someone who has NO CLUE…and I re-direct you to #4,5 and 8. If you can’t figure it out from that…you’re a sorry piece of ass. To extrapolate…
#4: If you reach the point you would RATHER work at McDonald’s than fly airlines…
#5: If you would accept a job like that…you’re a liar (or lying to yourself).
#8: If I am asked to fly a plane full of people after working three days in a row from noon to midnite and then on the fourth and last day fly from 8am to 7pm…and if you think that’s safe…you’re retarded. I think any sane person wants their pilots well-rested. I also think that if you’re responsible for the safe delivery of people from Point A to Point B…you should be given a schedule that is conducive to enough rest and enough pay.
The more I talk to people in the transportation industry…the more I see how CEO’s think of the operators of this equipment (trains, boats, trucks, planes) as cattle. A body sleeping is a body not making money for us. A plane on the ground is a plane not making money.
The coup de grace? I just flat out decided that I wasn’t going to be a whore to the CEO of an airline so I could follow that carrot dangled in front of me: FedEx, UPS, AirTran. And the more I thought about THOSE jobs…the more I just realized I just wasn’t going to do it anymore. Watching a plane take off will ALWAYS make me want to fly…but I can fly for ME…not for THEM. A cockpit is a cockpit. My saving grace might be the fact I never had “size envy”. I never thought that flying a 19 seat turboprop was any less of a job (and in fact, was MORE work) than flying a 757. And at the end of the day: I just never felt appreciated for the work I did. And I know that pilots who fly 747’s feel the same way these days. And folks…the industry is ONLY gonna get worse. If Republic Airlines is flying Airbuses for regional pay…that sets a precedent. (NOTE: When you Google “airline pay rates”, make note of the monthly guarantee…that will make your erection go away pretty quickly)
I gave up my dream…and in the end, as always, it’s because someone was greedy and wanted more profit for themselves. I would rather be a barmaid and know I’m getting paid for every hour I work than be responsible for a 35 Million dollar aircraft and get treated like a ten-year-old.
The chalk-line around my airline career was drawn on 08 April, 2010. R.I.P.
If you could have ANY job in the world…ANY JOB…what would it be? I'm giving you an open slate…education and money are not an issue. You can be ANYTHING you want to be…a pornstar, tennis pro, astronaut, bass fisherman…ANYTHING. How many of you can answer that question today, as an adult? My guess is about one out of five…and that comes from over ten years of asking that question to a lot of people, both men and women (It's a GREAT conversation starter, btw)…maybe I was lucky, but I always knew what I wanted to do…
The oldest artwork my parents have of mine is a fingerpainting that I did of a tree, with a plane parked next to it. I was two. I know this, because my mother wrote a date in the margin of the picture. My love of flying came from my father. He was an electronics guru, too…so I guess I owe my love of electronics to my father as well. My father used to be one of those people that parked his car at the approach end of a runway to watch the planes land and take off…he would take me with him sometimes. The noise, the drama, the emotions I felt were…well…nothing short of fucking amazing. I was mesmerized as a kid…to be able to fly…to bring something so HUGE, that flew in the air and be able to land it safely was, in my young mind…well, nothing short of a miracle. My mind was innocent. I had no illusions of giant paychecks or sex with stewardesses…I just wanted to be able to do THAT! Fly a plane. If you need further proof…I took an employment test in the fifth grade…and another in the eighth grade; the only answer this test told the world that I should be was AIRLINE PILOT.
So why did I give that up?? Anyone that hears my story has the same dumbfounded look on their face….WTF?!?! “You gave THAT up?!?” Yes. I did. If you wanna know why, read further…
One of the most influential books that I have ever read is a book by Laurence Gonzales called DEEP SURVIVAL, it's a book about why some people live in the worst of conditions where most others would perish. One of the key messages in the book is:
Learn to live in the reality you are faced with, if you try to make reality bend to what you think it should be…you will die.
Well, I spent the last few years of my eight-year-long airline career trying to make reality bend to what I wanted it to be. I finally had enough. Before I made up my mind, I made a list…you know “pros & cons”…just to be SURE. But, we all know, if you get to the point of making a list like that…you already know. You just need to convince yourself you’re not totally off your rocker…
Here’s the list I came up with in a hotel room in Islip, NY (Verbatim) after three Jack and Diets:
CONS:
1) Commuting to work
2) GED equivalent schedulers that have NO idea…
3) Management that gives (less than) two shits about me
4) Pay is less than McDonalds (people have NO idea…)
5) 14 hour days at work, paid for less than HALF of that
6) Not very conducive to a social life
7) Conference call with Chief Pilot if you call in sick
8) Threatened with firing if you call in fatigued (WTF?!) (Incredulous)
9) Doesn’t help me get laid
10) The CRJ sucks (and “real” planes are like the DoDo)
11) Lifestyle is DRAINING (mentally, physically and matrimonially)
12) Too many dipshit republicans do this job
13) Travelling public is retarded, and un-informed
14) It seems that NOBODY (majors or regionals) are happy!!
PROS:
1) Instant street credit if someone asks what I do for a living
2) I can travel to anywhere for free if a seat is open.
I’m not going to bore you and explain each bullet point…but I will direct your attention to the CONS list numbers 4, 5 and 8. These should scare you. Any friends that know the industry are probably nodding their heads as they read this list.
Some of you will just think to yourself: “Every job has it’s bad points”. And my response to you is: Spoken like someone who has NO CLUE…and I re-direct you to #4,5 and 8. If you can’t figure it out from that…you’re a sorry piece of ass. To extrapolate…
#4: If you reach the point you would RATHER work at McDonald’s than fly airlines…
#5: If you would accept a job like that…you’re a liar (or lying to yourself).
#8: If I am asked to fly a plane full of people after working three days in a row from noon to midnite and then on the fourth and last day fly from 8am to 7pm…and if you think that’s safe…you’re retarded. I think any sane person wants their pilots well-rested. I also think that if you’re responsible for the safe delivery of people from Point A to Point B…you should be given a schedule that is conducive to enough rest and enough pay.
The more I talk to people in the transportation industry…the more I see how CEO’s think of the operators of this equipment (trains, boats, trucks, planes) as cattle. A body sleeping is a body not making money for us. A plane on the ground is a plane not making money.
The coup de grace? I just flat out decided that I wasn’t going to be a whore to the CEO of an airline so I could follow that carrot dangled in front of me: FedEx, UPS, AirTran. And the more I thought about THOSE jobs…the more I just realized I just wasn’t going to do it anymore. Watching a plane take off will ALWAYS make me want to fly…but I can fly for ME…not for THEM. A cockpit is a cockpit. My saving grace might be the fact I never had “size envy”. I never thought that flying a 19 seat turboprop was any less of a job (and in fact, was MORE work) than flying a 757. And at the end of the day: I just never felt appreciated for the work I did. And I know that pilots who fly 747’s feel the same way these days. And folks…the industry is ONLY gonna get worse. If Republic Airlines is flying Airbuses for regional pay…that sets a precedent. (NOTE: When you Google “airline pay rates”, make note of the monthly guarantee…that will make your erection go away pretty quickly)
I gave up my dream…and in the end, as always, it’s because someone was greedy and wanted more profit for themselves. I would rather be a barmaid and know I’m getting paid for every hour I work than be responsible for a 35 Million dollar aircraft and get treated like a ten-year-old.
The chalk-line around my airline career was drawn on 08 April, 2010. R.I.P.
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