Masturbortion...

Masturbortion
Current mood: quixotic
I haven't blogg'd on myspace in forever but some dumb-ass with a religion complex forced the issue. Just in case you're sensitive to subjects such as blood, idiocracy, the bible, your conscience, and vacuum cleaners...skip to a Britney Spears website.


For starters: Two months ago there were protesters that spent a week or so outside a planned parenthood clinic in Stevens Point, WI. It was the only planned protest of it's kind towards condoms and safe sex in the nation at the time (one can only be led to believe nobody else got the email invite...or gave a shit). Wanna guess what these long-haired, dress-wearing, bible-thumping dumbfucks were protesting? Hmmmmmmm: Abortion? No. The presence of alcohol (C2H6O...from O-chem) in their daily communion wine? No. Anti-knock fuel additives? No. These religious yahoos were protesting the fact that the condom-clinic was promoting masturbation and safe sex. Let me re-type that for you: They were AGAINST (their own words, on audio tape) masturbation and safe sex. WTF? According to them: "The loss of only one fetus to these practices goes against everything the bible stands for." Sorry for the delay, folks...I had to wipe the tears of laughter and the shit from my pants because I laughed so hard I had to shit after hearing such crap. If there were a remedy for smirks, I'd have to super-size that dosage because the smirk on my face was about "this big" (in reference to my schwank, of course) when I heard this on NPR. Wow...speaking of people that take things too seriously... As these close-minded 'adults' see it: Masturbation is against god's will. Whoever god is. I wouldn't worship a god that claimed it a sin to cum whenever I wanted to. But that's just me...


In light of the newfound retardation based upon a man-made book known as the bible I coined a new word: Masturbortion. So now, every man (women are, apparently, excluded) has yet another reason to feel "guilty" about cumming outside of a vaginal canal.


But to the real issue: Murder. Pro-lifers claim that abortion is murder. I can empathize with their point (something that 99.50% of pro-lifers can't do with MY viewpoint: Abortion should be legal and a personal choice) but I will give anyone the best oral sex of their lifetime if they can find ONE case where a pro-choice advocate offed someone like Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts or that numb-dick from Kansas who wants military veterans killed. Hmmmmmmm...you'll be google-ing that one for a few weeks, only to find your bible has left you horny, you're living in an out-dated mode of thinking and religion has caused more deaths than any (ANY) cause you can name. If you're religous, I'll fuck your CAT if you can show the numbers prove otherwise.


Isn't it great that we live in a society that has freedoms? It's hard to remind yourself, I know, but that freedom comes at the cost of religious zealots with guns. Maybe from now on any woman who wants to vacuum clean her pussy has to wear a bullet-proof vest and have an armed-escort (or two) walk her to the "Dyson Room".

Sacrilege!! How can I speak of an unborn "human" in such terms?!?!?! Easy. The same method that allows me to write of the fact religion is fucked, the meat industry is corrupt, republicans are retarded and the chicken egg I buy in the supermarket is more advanced genetically than a fertilized fetus (google it) allows me to draw a scientific conclusion.


In either respect, murdering someone for the sake of promoting your "cause" is wrong. Murdering someone for the sake or your religion is a 1st-class ticket to hell. (Burn mutha fucka....burn). In addition: A special "fuck you" to pro-lifers that champion this mislead individual that picked up a bible and believed it. (As well, fuck the anti-gay marriage advocates on Prop 8 in CA).


I wrote this on the fly...apologize ahead of time for any grammaticals (*Lisa).


Religion Body Count Atheist Body Count
13,450,000,000 3






Remember: Beliefs allow a fully-functioning mind to stop working. . .